I Needed You Here
by Sandylee007
Summary: Their bond hasn't been what it once was since the Owl. But Jace feels Alec after Magnus collapses and rushes to him. There isn't much he can do for Alec then. He gets a second chance later. It leads to a much-needed talk and an unavoidable breakdown. 3x16 MISSING SCENES


A/N: So, here's the thing. I LOVED 3x16, despite it shattering my heart. But it was also a goldmine of 'missing scenes'. Here's a couple of them. (grins)

DISCLAIMER: Noooope, sadly, I'm still not making any profit out of typing these tales. Nor do I own a thing. Just nursing my aching heart, here.

WARNINGS: Some feels… Aaaaand, that's about it. This isn't exactly a nice and smooth ride, though…

Awkay… Are you ready? Because here we go. I REALLY hope that you'll enjoy the ride.

* * *

**_I Needed You Here_**

* * *

Jace felt it right after trying to convince Clary that she was a good person. The intensity startled him with how… subdued the parabatai bond had been since the Owl. He emitted a gasp while Alec's sheer, overwhelming panic and sorrow flowed through. He'd never experienced anything quite like it. Something remotely similar came when the Soul Sword was activated and there was no way of knowing whether Magnus made it out before it was too late.

"Jace?" Clary looked at him with a frown of concern. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know", Jace murmured. His heart was leaping and clenching while Alec's whole aching soul continued scream through the bond. "Alec…" He never got the chance to finish.

Because just then his phone started ringing. Izzy sounded like she'd been crying. "_You… You've gotta get back here. It's Magnus._"

Jace didn't remember much more about the way back than Clary's hand squeezing his with a desperate amount of force. By the time they made it to the Institute's infirmary Izzy was sitting, wiping her eyes, while Alec paced. "Any news?" Jace inquired quietly, because anything louder would've felt wrong in such a place, under such circumstances. He wasn't quite sure what to say but deemed that a good start.

Alec didn't seem to even notice their arrival, instead continued to walk restlessly with a terrible, haunted look in his moist eyes. Izzy swallowed thickly and shook her head. "Catarina's still working on him." The expression on her face spoke far more than words. It took a lot to scare and shock someone as tough as Isabelle Lightwood to that extend.

Jace nodded and gave her the best 'I feel you, but it'll be alright' smile he could manage through a stab of sadness and guilt. Magnus didn't deserve this, not after everything he'd done for everyone, not when he was just starting to seem genuinely happy again with the help of newfound magic. Slowly, unwilling to face what he'd inevitably find, he looked towards Alec. The archer was pinching his hand in a way that made the blonde's stomach knot. He didn't deserve this, either. "Alec, please stop that." _I can't stand seeing you like this._ "Magnus will be okay."

Perhaps it was the sound of Magnus's name that snapped Alec's mind to attention. His brother didn't look at him, though, while shaking his head. "Jace, don't…" The archer swallowed hard. "Just don't." Jace didn't need to ask for an explanation. He could see how close to breaking down entirely Alec was. Even a single word more might've pushed him over the edge.

Jace didn't think he'd ever felt so helpless in his entire life, and Alec's helplessness bleeding through their bond made it almost unbearable.

Just then the doors behind him sighed open and Alec tensed up to a full Shadowhunter pose. Jace turned to see Catarina walking towards them. She appeared weary and slightly more emotional than would've been professional. But she wasn't grieving. "Magnus's condition is critical but finally stable", she revealed softly. Obviously very much aware of how important of a patient she had in her hands. "You can come in, now."

Alec was already moving before she'd finished the second sentence. Only to freeze at what awaited behind Catarina's back, color draining from his face. It didn't take Jace long to figure out what caused the reaction. Beside him Clary gasped and tightened her hold on his hand so much that it hurt. Jace's own chest tightened painfully. It took a moment before the sight sunk in properly.

The man on the hospital bed… He'd been stripped of his makeup and jewelry, his hair was no longer styled. He wasn't awake to convince them that he was actually fine with ever so slightly imperfect smiles and soft, smooth words. There were no shields, armors and masks left. Just Magnus Bane. Who seemed… vulnerable. Breakable.

It was jarring to realize that deep down the man who'd saved all their lives several times over had always been that. He was just so damned good at staying strong for others that they'd never noticed. Now that it was all out on display Jace shuddered. Because for the first time he realized that them losing Magnus was an actual possibility. The realization sat horribly with him and he could only imagine how Alec felt.

Jace had always been praised for how brave he was. But he'd always been convinced that Alec was the braver one out of the two of them. That awful day solidified it.

Instead of running away from the unbearable sight Alec straightened his body to what might've been a painful extend. Inhaled a deep, sharp breath. Then walked into the room and claimed a seat right beside Magnus.

Alec's heartache still thrummed when the infirmary room's doors closed, sealing him from sight. It proved to be more than Jace could handle. Especially coupled with the fact that there was nothing he could do at the moment to help.

When Simon eventually burst in, his eyes wide and wild from worry, Jace made his decision. He gave Clary's hand a squeeze. "I'll be back soon."

Jace headed to one of the training rooms after changing his clothes. He punched a bag until he realized what he was doing. By then he was hurting and gasping for air.

"I'm sorry", he whispered at the exact same moment Alec said those words to Magnus.

* * *

Later Jace entered Alec's office with a frown upon learning that his parabatai was there. "What are you doing working? Magnus…"

"… is sleeping. Lorenzo took away his magic and he'll be okay. He just needs a lot of rest." Alec's clipped tone and the even sharper feelings radiating through their bond made alarm bells go off in Jace's head. The archer refused to look at him, instead focused on a report. "So I had to try and take care of my duties as the head of the Institute. On the worst twenty-four hours of my life so far. Because I heard that Jonathan's in custody. And that Lilith was summoned."

Jace swallowed thickly. Here he'd been hoping that he'd get to explain before breaking the news gently… "Alec…"

"At first, before I heard the whole thing from Izzy… I thought that the pain from your wound was all mine. I barely even noticed it with how much I was already hurting. And I didn't imagine that you'd…" Alec shook his head. "I don't want to hear you trying to explain why it felt like a good idea to summon someone who almost got us all killed. And I especially don't want to hear why you decided to do it when Magnus…" There he trailed off. The eyes still fixed intently on the report grew moist but didn't overflow. When Alec went on his voice was so quiet and broken that it shattered Jace's heart even more than the emotional strain he felt. "I… I would've needed you here."

Jace didn't feel very far from tears himself. Although Alec had immediately told him that he was forgiven, the Owl and what had to be done to get rid of it damaged their bond. (Alec almost died, Magnus gave up on his magic and Jace nearly lost his mind out of grief over Clary and guilt. And all three of them blamed themselves for the whole thing. How could that not have had an impact?) To now experience another person's emotions again all of a sudden, with such raw intensity… It was almost too much. As was the fresh guilt over his newest failure as a parabatai and a brother. "Alec, I'm sorry." They were just words, but he needed to say them.

Alec got up quickly and began to pace, like even the idea of holding still hurt physically. "He died, Jace!" Alec yelled in a whisper, too hoarse to scream out the agony. "He collapsed to my arms, started seizing, and then he… went still. He… He stopped breathing." The first tear rolled down a suddenly pale cheek. "His heart stopped, and I… I tried, and tried, and tried, but I couldn't bring him back. Catarina, even… even she barely managed to bring him back." More tears began to roll when the first one had cleared a pathway for them. The archer was too distraught to even try to wipe them away. Instead the man froze, his whole body trembling. "I lost him, and… all I could do was beg him to stay with me."

Jace blinked rapidly and cleared his throat to will back tears of his own. "And he did stay. Remember?" he pointed out softly. "Magnus is okay now." Which one of them was he trying to convince?

His words didn't have the reaction he'd anticipated. Alec stared at the floor, drawing in horrible, shaky breaths, unable to stop the tears from falling. Then, the full weight of what happened crashing on his shoulders, the man broke down. Completely and utterly.

Jace's response was instant. Not wasting a second on wondering if his advances would be welcomed, he wrapped his arms around Alec and pulled his brother to a hug. Alec tensed up at first. Then, too overwhelmed to fight back the urge, clung back desperately while silent sobs rocked his whole tall frame. Each of them made the shoulders that always tried to hold the weight of the whole world shake.

One hug wasn't enough to mend the damage all the recent events and decisions had done to their bond. But at least Jace was there for Alec. Perhaps that was a start.

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End

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A/N: After watching the episode… I just HAD TO type this. Because Alec seriously needed his parabatai there when his whole world was falling apart! (sniffles)

Sooo… Any good, at all? PLEASE, do let me hear from you! Hearing from you ALWAYS makes my day.

THANK YOU, so much, for reading! Maybe I'll see you around again one day?

Take care!


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